


Moonless nights

by pHd_Lemon



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Humor, M/M, Modern Era, Rebirth
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-02-19
Updated: 2018-03-11
Packaged: 2019-03-07 04:49:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 13,437
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13427145
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pHd_Lemon/pseuds/pHd_Lemon
Summary: He dreams of ancient wars, of his friends dead eyes even thought he doesn't know them. So were is the one who is supposed to stop these nightmares?But maybe, just maybe black plague wasn't the worst option ever?Additional summary and tags will be added in time with chapters. The rating may change too. If it will, I will give a notice.





	1. In the silence of the night

**Author's Note:**

> Please read this.  
>  (It will be rather long the first time, but just this time. Promise.) First of all I do own only my imagination and I'm not making any profit with this work. Second, but most important thing - I'm rather new to this community, thought I have this idea I want to share with you. I do have to warn you though, I don't have a beta-reader and I'm not native English speaker. This means what? Total crap? I do hope no!  
>  But it does mean that I will appreciate suggestions were to look for someone to beta this work (it's not that I haven't asked, but they didn't have the time to and I don't know where to look). If you have time and you would like to help me - give me notice. I do welcome constructive criticism, it means you don't have to like all you read and you can tell me what you didn't like and why you find it not likable (the last part being the most important).  
>  The third thing. The names of some the original characters will be changed (at least in the beginning). Working with the concept of rebirth left me thinking what names would be given to children in our time. I do hope that the characters can be guessed, thought. 

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Arthur - Age 5

In those nights I cannot sleep

–Daddy?– Small voice spoke and Rayan looked up from his computer screen to his pale son fidgeting from leg to leg.

–Were you having a nightmare again?– He asked and the little boy nodded embarrassed, so Rayan patted his knees and the boy hurried over to him knowing the gesture already; father picked him up, sat on his lap, Arthur buried his face in his chest and breathed, but Rayan waited, cradling his son in his arms. The silence stretched a while and Rayan was getting nervous. He wasn’t the best father figure, he knew that, he didn’t do well with emotions, more over children’s, even his sons, but still – he tried. Should he let this silence stretch, or should he speak first? Encourage Arthur to speak? The more he thought, the more he found himself at the end of the rope when it came to his son.

–You want to tell me about it?– He tried to sound tender, really tried. At least for his son he could try to be the parent Arthur needed. Other things was an another deal. The boy was silent for some time and Rayan didn't pester. If he'll want to tell, he will, right? So Rayan cradled his son in his knees. Slowly his breathing started to normalise. 

–They were my friends.– He whispered, and Rayan stroke his golden locks. 

–But they all were dying and I couldn't save them.– He added, voice shaking in tears. It was good, Arthur was talking, thus Rayan will be able to help to chase these nightmares away. And nothing did it better that good, old cold logics. It had always helped him, it will help Arthur too. Because this wasn’t normal. His son had too much of an imagination, no wonder he was chased in his sleep.

–Your friends from preschool son?– It could be terrifying to see his friends dead, but Rayan could reason with him. Tell they were safe. Show him even. Then Arthur won’t be afraid.

–No,– surprised him and he looked at his son with a question in his eyes. As if he felt it, Arthur looked up to his father.

–I don't know them now, but in the dream, I knew. They were my friends. But it was war, terrible one, like the one they showed on telly tonight,– he added and Rayan decided that no way in hell Arthur will have remote in his hand in the next ten years, and he'll have to turn off all history channel's if he'll see his son watching again some documentary about World War I. No actually any war. Seemed like five wasn't the appropriate age for documentaries. It did escape his mind that Arthur has had nightmares for nearly two years, long before he took an interest in the documentaries.

–And there was so much fire and smoke, ground without any grass, dead people lying all around me. They didn't even scream, they just … were there.– He couldn't explain it perfectly and Rayan only could blame the damn television and himself. Himself for letting this go so far.

–It was just a dream. No one's going to hurt you, son. I won't let them.– He promised stroking Arthur’s golden locks again. Never ever he will let something bad happen to him. His golden boy, one he cared more than he could tell, one he had so high expectations for. His golden boy. This was one of the rare time that Arthur spoke of his nightmares, that made Rayan think, that it was getting better, because his son trusted him. The fact that they were almost always about death, made Rayan sometimes think that maybe, just maybe he needed to see a psychologist. On the other hand it would probably ruin his future. He could be teased for being not mentally stable for example. But his son beamed at him, smiling, sure that his father was absolutely right, that he surely could help, hugged him tightly as only child could. He trusted his father. After all he was everything for him. All he had. Except from…

–I just wish he would come sooner.– Arthur announced quietly, sighting.

–Who?– He lost Rayan there.

–The dream man. I don't know his name, I just know that he has to be there for me. I wish he would hurry up and take those dreams away.– Rayan sighted. Great, it seemed that his son had an imaginary friend too. This was one of the things Rayan knew he won’t let Arthur dwell into.

–He’s not real, Arthur. Only you, yourself can change your nightmares, only you yourself can give yourself what you need. No dream man, no other eternity can help you, just yourself.– The hurt in boys eyes was almost too much, but it had to be done. –It’s just in your mind. There is no such thing as dream man, who can take your nightmares away. Do you understand me?– He made sure, that Arthur nodded even though he seemed at the verge of tears. But this was for the greater good. Rayan smiled. He palmed his head and put him on the ground.

–Now, go to sleep. I still have work to do, but you have a school tomorrow. Off to bed.– His voice was soft and Arthur smiled at him before taking off to his room. Rayan went back to work thinking that he’ll have to watch his son more carefully, but Arthur slumped in bed. How could the dream man not come this time, if he came all the times before? Sooner or later, but he did. No, daddy just didn’t know that he was real. So real, Arthur could touch him, if he was here. Arthur just hoped that this time it will be sooner. He didn’t know for sure, he just had the feeling. That the dream man was with him always. Daddy didn’t need to know that Arthur still believed in him. After all he always helped him to wake up. 

There is a blazing fire

In retrospect the black plague wasn't such a bad thing, right?


	2. Little prince and his knight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Arthur has never been the calm one. But still at the early age of teens his charters starts to develop.
> 
> Arthur - Age 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Why so fast? To give you some taste of the story, as the first chapter was short.

And I fight my monsters furiously

-Arthur! Hey, you hear me man? Arthur, wait a bit!- 

Kevin’s voice rang loud and clear trough the schools corridor, while he tried to catch up with his friend. Not that it was too hard to do. Arthur wasn’t actively running away from him. He was walking with determination known to cause trouble and Kevin could imagine Pritchard’s face right now. Frown and clenched teeth, eyes blazing. That actually was worse than running.

-Don’t even think.- Arthur spat back and shook Kevin’s hand off when he run up and cough Arthur by the arm.

-Arthur, they are idiots. You don’t need to succumb to petty provocations.- Arthur didn’t answer, he just passed a note to Kevin, who tried to read it and not to bump in to other people. At least not to lose Arthur. Okay, he got why Pritchard was so angry. Hell, in Arthur's shoes, Kevin would be too. But still, those bullies were older than them. Bigger. Stronger.

-You do understand that we need a plan to take them down.- He said handing the not back to Arthur. That actually made Arthur to stop and look. Really look at his friend. Kevin wasn’t trying to talk him out of a fight. He volunteered to participate. No, that wasn’t it. He counted himself in as it was the most natural thing. And it kind of surprised Arthur. In his eleven years he didn’t know what he had done to ensure such loyalty. True, they did lots of shit together.

-I must warn you though, I don’t want my head bashed in, if I can avoid it. And I would like to take them out even before they know what’s coming for them. Because, you know man, if they won’t rip my ears off, then my mother definitely will.- Kevin made a face and Arthur felt a laughter bubble up in his chest.

-Yeah, she totally would do that. And then get to mine too.-

-Yeah! And you would be the first one in row. I would take care of that, believe me!- Kevin promised with a smile. He felt that Arthur’s anger was melting away leaving only determination. Well, that was better. Determined Arthur may be dangerous but it meant he would be more efficient in his plans. Arthur's father probably won’t like it anyway, but who cares. They had insulted Arthur’s mother, and everyone in school knew not to insult his mom’s memory. Kevin knew quite well, that he would bash their heads in himself, if the insults written in that note would be in his hands before it turned up in Arthur’s.

-So, we need a plan.- Arthur was turning back and Kevin smiled widely, nodding his head.

-And good one at that.-

***

-And may I ask you why you did it?- Rayan’s voice was strained when he tried, really tried to be calm and not scream the brains out of his stupid son. But Arthur stayed quiet. Injuries was caused, yes. Mostly bruised pride, knees, some scraps and cuts. But everyone was alive and well otherwise. Arthur made sure of that. But not only those five older boys got some cuts and stitches. He didn’t want to even thing how Kevin was able to sneak in home and how he explained the injuries to his parents. Arthur's blue eye, cut lip and forehead, dislocated shoulder and beaten stomach felt like nothing. It was worth it. Yes, he will have problems at school, but no more of this kind. They showed those bullies who no to pick on. True, now he had trouble with school administration, but wasn’t his father here for that reason? To give his only son a way out. And maybe in other situation Arthur would think of morale of the whole deal. But he saw himself as the victim in this one and he wasn’t sorry, not even a little bit. Not that his father needed to know the details. Arthur was grown up enough to manage his own problems. Well, almost all of the problems. Unfortunately exclusion from school was one of them.

-I asked you a question.- Rayan was getting impatient, if something his sons stubbornness was the same as his. Arthur was keeping his stance. Stubbornly quiet. They could drag this out as long as they wanted and not get anywhere, so Rayan made the only conclusion he could for now:

-Go to your room. You’re under house arrest till you tell me the reason you beat up those boys.- He didn’t need to ask how, that was pretty clear and maybe in some other era he would be proud of his son’s imagination and planning skills, but this was 21’th century when beating others up wasn’t a social norm anymore. Arthur didn’t say a word as he obeyed, maybe he was starting to re-thing his decisions, Rayan could only hope. Still, he knew the one who could give him insight of his son’s decision.

The sole reason Rayan went over to Owens was to talk with Kevin, who too had earned house arrest. He tried to talk to boy for more than hour, but to vain. Contrary to Arthur, Kevin talked with delight. But he never breached the true reason Rayan was here. He tried to ask nicely. He didn’t threaten. Rayan knew that it wasn’t the most effective way to get what he wanted. But for Rayan’s surprise, Kevin didn’t took a bribe either. He was past the stage of denial of is partnership in the fight though. His parents had figured it out, the school board had figured it out. He admitted helping Arthur, he didn’t gave out Arthur’s reasons.

Kevin just laughed and said, that Rayan should ask Arthur if he wanted to know. That was the closes he got to any straight answer.

-It won’t happen again, if you’re worried. Arthur showed them their place.- Kevin said when Rayan was leaving. The seriousness left Rayan speechless for some time. Even when he returned home, he was still thinking about Kevin's words. Did Rayan even need to know his son’s reasons? Arthur didn’t want to tell all the details and, if Kevin was to be trusted, he took care of the problems himself. So he could only do one thing a parent could in his situation - help his son to get out of troubles he couldn’t get out himself. The school was good. Rayan didn’t want Arthur to transfer. And that probably meant that Kevin had to be taken care of too. So Rayan didn’t have too much options. And he knew the best one.

***

-Never show your weaknesses to others.- Rayan said after approximately a week of stubborn silence from Arthur and himself. Arthur had to go back to school the next week. His eye looked a lot better and other ‘battle scars’ was healing nicely too. Rayan had managed to smooth out the problems with school and other parties parents. They won’t start a fuss. Rayan paid for their boys medical fees and ensured that they were transferred to good schools. He didn’t intend to pay for all their life, so when one of them Graham's, if he remembered correctly, tried to start such talks, Rayan just reminded them, that they didn’t want his lawyers to start the whole process, they didn’t want to dig too deep in this. Their boy wasn’t a sunshine either and Rayan was more financially ensured. And they agreed. So, that problem was off the table. Now he needed only to make sure his son knew how to behave himself.

-I don’t want to hear from your school about you ever again. At least of such things. You are my sole heir. I expect your grades to go up as well as your behavior. You have obligations towards society.- He looked up at Arthur, who was eating quietly.

-Did I make myself clear?-

-Yes, father.-

Was the answer he was waiting for, so it left him satisfied. Rayan nodded, finished his breakfast and soon left. Arthur was left alone with himself, so he had time to think. He knew what his father had done to get him out of all the trouble he had caused. Not only him, but Kevin too, not that Kevin’s parents weren’t on this too. Still, he couldn’t see his actions as wrong. They had slighted what was sacred to him. But Rayan was right about one thing. No one needed to know his weaknesses. They could use it against him. No more, he promised himself. No more. Not again. Arthur could at least promise himself that.

***

The good thing at school was that Kevin was still with him. They returned with heads high, though inside they felt scared. They had their reasons to. But thank goodness no one tried to pick on them. They were respected. At least it seemed like respect from some of them. Younger ones looked at them like some kind of heroes. Those who were older didn’t even want to go close. They didn’t avoid them in corridors, not, they bumped in them, but none of them talked with them and didn’t pick up. The distaste in in their faces was clear. They talked behind their backs. They truly hated them. But Arthur and Kevin counted that as a victory. If they talked behind their backs it only meant they were scared and they didn’t dare to say anything in their faces. They were here, in school, but those, who had abused them were gone. So, who was the winner in this situation? For them it was quite clear.

Just hoping – you are there

He could feel it under his skin. In his mind. The tingling felling. Like it was trying to tell him something. In the nights, when the dreams came it always got stronger. Then he tried desperately to weak up and was glad for every time he managed to. Destiny be damned! He wasn’t mindless fool to do only as it bid.

But was it so wrong to be curious? To see from time to time? Well - probably, but one peak couldn’t hurt, no?

No. He was being an idiot again. He had a resolve not to get involved. So the only reason could be life and death situations. Not that it had helped the before though.


	3. The survivor

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rayan gets a call form hospital and rushes over, but manages to find a 'nanny' for Arthur. Not that he is impressed.  
> Arhur - Age 13.

They come at times and time again

It was a rather late evening when Rayan rushed out after getting call form hospital leaving Arthur alone. Not that it was something new. Arthur was used to being alone and he had refused nannies and caretakers from the age of six. Rayan worked most of the time anyway. Though in his defense he came home on time, but continued working in his office. So Rayan’s and Arthur’s perception on the issue was different. Arthur considered himself being alone, while Rayan knew he technically was at home. Arthur could come to his father if he had some issues or questions. It was never forbidden.

So Arthur seriously didn’t see a reason for father to be worried. But Rayan saw and his decision was final. He said he will find someone and send them over. Needless to say Arthur wasn’t impressed at all when he hear a doorbell ring. Thought to his surprise it wasn’t some old lady that smelled like catnip. Maybe his father wasn’t so bound of cliché’s though.

He was looking at the man, not moving an inch from the doorway.

-Did he promise you a promotion if you sit here with me today?- Arthur was grumpy and he didn’t need to hide it. Hell, he didn’t even want to hide it. For what reason? This was his home.

-Or he had some discriminating information of you?- Arthur dared him, looking up, but still feeling superior.

-Discriminating information? No.- The older man seemed confused, looking at Arthur like he saw him for the first time. Well, he was seeing him for the first time. Arthur sighted and let the man in.

-I was sure he had your dick pick you were sending to your colleague.- Arthur shrugged.

Well seeing older man's reaction to his words were at least amusing. He looked dumb-stuck. If he didn’t have to be elsewhere, he could stay here. If he wanted that promotion so much. Because he seemed like someone who wouldn’t even think of sending his pricks picture to someone. 

Arthur felt bored to the bone but he decided to give his father and Leo, it turned out to be the man’s name, which he kindly provided, the satisfaction of watching over him. He had to study but he truly didn’t feel like. And Leo didn’t know what homework Arthur had to do. So it was more than okay to call Kevin over. Well, Arthur did ask for the permission, but he wasn’t mistaken when Leo allowed it. Oh, he just didn’t know Kevin. Kevin meant trouble most of the time. But Leo didn’t know that.

Surprisingly Kevin did have to study, do his own homework, but with few words Arthur managed to persuade his sole friend to come over with all his homework. He was Arthur's close neighbor's for all these years, he was considered his friend even by Rayan.

And Kevin was the one to start the conversation Arthur didn’t want. At least he didn’t want to talk to Leo, but he didn’t want the quiet to linger anymore.

-So, old man,- Kevin said looking at Leo, after he was introduced with the situation.

-I’m not that old.- Leo tried to reason with him.

-You’re way older than me. At least thirty I would say, so you’re old in my books.- Yeah, that was the reason he wanted Kevin over. Not the homework, but to shake Leo out of his pants. And this was funny, how Kevin talked to grownups. Even those bigger and stronger than himself. Like he wasn’t afraid of anything. 

-So, care to tell us what happened?-

Leo sighted, but he did talk. He told boys, he didn’t know much.

-One of our shareholders got into a traffic accident. So he rushed over.-

-Shouldn't they call relatives in such situations?-

-They should, but I understood that his wife was conscious and demanded they call Mr. Pritchard. I wish I knew more. Your father was in rush when he called and didn’t know more. Was the man in the car with all his family or just alone, I don’t know.-

Arthur felt sick in the stomach thinking about traffic accidents thad could cause the loss of body parts and life. But those images played at his mind non-stop now.

Leo told that Rayan called, knowing he didn’t live far away and asked if he was able to come. They did have a good relationship. Leo did surprise the boys admitting, that he considered Rayan a good employer. They had to work rather close and, even if Leo was in lesser position than Arthur’s father, Leo trusted the man and in turn, Rayan trusted him. He didn’t tell the boys that he knew that Rayan cared for his boy dearly. He decided - it wasn’t his place. They had migrated to kitchen so naturally and waited for Leo to spread butter on the bread.

-You won't even refuse if he asked you to jump in the volcano, kill a man?- Arthur rolled eyes. At least it was fun, when Leo nearly chopped his fingers off. But to Arthur’s surprise laughed. Laughing he seemed younger, maybe he wasn't so old as 30? Maybe a bit less? But more than twenty was still considered old in Arthur's standards too. At least for now. He’ll see how that goes when he will be 25, but that still was a far stretch.

-Well that's probably something I could refuse. I'm a bit afraid of the heights so no volcano for me, plus I'm really not the killing type.- The older man put the dish with sandwiches in front of them. 

-Your father speaks highly of you. Consider me curious.- Leo said sitting down, but looked up at the boys and decides to be open.

-I like to take care of others, so I agreed before I even though it trough.-

-So you were too kindhearted to refuse and Mr. Pritchard knew to use it against you.- Kevin concluded reaching for a sandwich.

Leo smiled. Well, it could be true, so he just shrugged, just before he reminded calmly and kindly that Kevin technically had come over for homework. His smile was kind and composed, so Arthur kind of got why father had chosen Leo to babysit his son.

-Oh, and by the way, I’m not 30.- He said and laughed when Kevin made a face and asked if he was 50 then.

Rayan got home by morning and he was in such a hurry that he just looked at Kevin and Arthur sleeping on the couch soundly side by side and told Leo he could have the day off. He himself just showered and changed clothes then was away as fast as if he had pack of lions at his feet. But as Leo was too kindhearted, as Arthur had noted, he just couldn’t leave the boys all to themselves, so for the next few days they even found a routine of Leo sending them off to school and picking up. Arthur had to admit, that Leo was even better at that than Rayan. But as the homeworks that night was left unattended Leo did offer them help with math and physics. Arthur proudly refused, but Kevin wasn’t so proud. It did end up with them both taking Leo up on his offer.

Kevin stuck with Arthur, announcing Arthur was in desperate need of his company. He did earn a bump in his shoulder for that.

-I'm not a girl, Kevin, I can take care of myself.- Arthur snorted but smiled.

-Don't be such a princess, a friend is kindly offering you his help in every possible way, you shouldn't refuse!- Kevin retorted turning his attention to the math’s he had dragged to kitchen. Somehow it had turned out as their base. Leo was making something. He wasn’t the best cook ever, but he managed, and Arthur had to admit, the man had talent for teaching. When Leo explained the solutions to their homework problems, Arthur got it easier than from his teacher at school. 

Arthur heard the sound of front door unlocking, heard fathers voice and waited. He didn’t even understand who tense he had gotten until Rayan walked in to the kitchen and everyone looked up at him. Rayan cleared his throat.

-This is Emilia. She'll live with us from now.- He gestured to black haired girl besides him. She looked older than Arthur but angry or sad, he couldn’t tell. Maybe guarded. She was hurt, there were scrapes and bruises on her face and hands, but the injuries were minor. Arthur was taken aback, just staring at his father in complete lack of understanding. Kevin was quiet too, surprisingly.

-Then I should put on more plates.- Leo was the first to awaken and do the only sensible thing one could do. Take in the situation as normal. Arthur wanted to protest, but he looked at his father and one look from the man silenced his son. It was useless. And it was useless to ask - what the fuck was going on.

Though it cleared after dinner, after Kevin had gone home and Rayan had shown Emilia one of guest rooms. Rayan explained to his son, that Emilia had lost both her parents in that car accident; they had been good, close friends of Rayan's. Very close. Lenard and Esther had been the ones to help him start and build his empire and they had known each other for early years in childhood, but never lost contact. Arthur stayed quiet. He didn’t have an idea what Emilia’s parents looked like, how his father considered that not losing contact eluded Arthur. But they did have different view of such things. Still it spoke volumes that Rayan had rushed over to them at even slightest notice. So he let his father catch him up on the story. It turned out that in those days Rayan was not only at hospital, he was at lawyers, at foster care. He had become Emilia's legal guardian by the time she was out of hospital herself. It was her mother’s dying wish.

So they had to take care of here not only because they were man, so by extension they needed to take care of this young woman, as Rayan explained, but because she was alone and lost. And that part Arthur could associate with. It reminded him of Leo. He had quite liked the way the three of them - Leo, Kevin and himself - had lived for the past few days. It was more lively than usual and Arthur liked that. So the biggest lost probably was Leo soothing presence. He did manage to put in a good word for him, praising his teaching abilities to his father. That did seem to impress him a bit but all Rayan's thoughts were on Emilia now.

And it was so much that Arthur felt more alone than he was before Emilia's accident. It wasn't that Arthur didn't understand it. He did. With his mind at least. He tried but he couldn't help himself thinking that father wasn't this affectionate with him. Ever.

Well, maybe only in early childhood when he went to his father after he woke up from nightmares. But he had stopped to tell him those. First of all because he was grown up. He could manage those himself. Second because he knew father wasn’t interested in them and third, but not least - it was embarrassing how frustrated he woke up from them. And how he still hoped even if only for five minutes after he woke up, that there could be that Dream man, he had invented in childhood, that could take them off.

He didn't try to bother his father after at age of six when Rayan told him to man up. He probably was just tired but it had been exceptionally bad and Arthur just wanted some company. Someone to tell him it's going to be okay, that it was just a bad dream. Somehow at that time their relationship had started to deteriorate. Slowly they grew apart and Rayan was more interested that his studies was excellent and that Arthur was on top, than what happened in his sons head and heart. But sometimes Arhtur tough that it was actually good Rayan didn’t want to know. Arthur was sure that his father couldn't understand him even if he tried.

But with Emilia he got different feelings. On one hand he was jealous, he at least admitted that to himself, that she got more of fathers attention and kinder one, than he. But still he was sorry for her too. He wanted to help her and somehow it made him happy, that their little family had grown.

Irrational as it may seem he was feeling high and low at the same time. Kevin wasn't much help either. He was eying Emilia with and suspicions Arthur had never seen in him before. Kevin just declared that there was something that made him cautious around Emilia. 

***

It took time for all of them to adapt. At the beginning Emilia was quiet and didn’t want to speak neither to Rayan, nor Arthur, so Rayan found her a psychologist. He knew he couldn’t help the young girl with such trauma himself. So the specialist was needed. But when she was crying at night, woken from nightmares, there was no doctor beside; it was Arthur that finally got through to her.

He couldn’t sleep that night. He was dreaming of cold and white world full of despair and lost hope, he was searching for someone or something, lost and dear. Something very precious, but he didn’t know what it was, but he had the feeling it was near. Though as much as he searched, he couldn’t find it. He felt like he was freezing to death.

Arthur woke up to feeling like a fire was blown in his face. Well, at least he wasn’t frozen over. His throat felt dry and he was a bit afraid to close his eyes again. Glass of cool water would help, he knew, so he went to get one in the kitchen. He took two before he even could think of going back, but when he was going back, he heard crying, probably in pillow. The sound was muffled. 

Arthur was fighting himself. Did he have to go and try to talk and calm her down? Or this wasn’t his business? In the end he decided, that even if he was renowned to be heartless at school, Arthur knew he was not. Okay, maybe he didn’t care for all, but he did care for few. And Emilia was family now, so she should be taken seriously. Especially if crying.

So he opened door quietly an slipped in. Emilia was laying on her side, face in pillow, her shoulders shaking. He tried to be quiet, but she hear him and looked up, angry. It seemed like she wanted to say “Get lost!”, but was unable to, maybe she had lost her voice or she was afraid it won’t sound too convincing, Arthur didn’t know. He sat on floor back to her bed, not looking at Emilia, just sitting there for quite some time until he finally spoke up.

-Was it an accident? What do you think? If you have even the slightest doubt that it was intentional, I promise to find the one who did it.-

Emilia looked at Arthur's blond back of the head. She may have expected that, but still it was surprising. He hadn’t been so forthcoming, so she decided he disliked her. But maybe he just didn’t know how to show himself? It could be. Totally opposite from her own parents. 

-I wish.- She breathed out shakily, -if that had been an accident, there wouldn’t be anything I could do, but…- Emilia stopped not sure if she should continue, but Arthur didn’t ask, nor press for anything, he was just there, quietly waiting for her to continue.

-I dreamt of it.- She admitted mouth pressed to pillow again. -I dreamt of fire, of some kind of accident. I didn’t know then, but I should have stopped them.- Emilia felt tears welling up in her eyes again.

-They wouldn’t have listened to you anyway.- Arthur said with such calm confidence, Emilia stopped sobbing and looked up, he turned his head to look into girl’s eyes. 

-They’re grownups, the never ever listen to their children. Even if you tried, the result would be the same.- Emilia was looking at him with quiet astonishment. He didn’t doubt her words that she had predicted the accident. He didn't try to soothe her in a way grown-up used, telling that everything’s going to be all right. He made promise he wouldn't be able to keep, but he still did it and the he had so much confident in his tone. And something in him made Emilia believe. Not that he would avenge her parents, but that he was there for her. Sometimes maybe louder, sometimes quiet, just there. Nothing more and nothing less. And it meant the world for her.

***

No one ever said that it would be easy. Suddenly living with someone under the same roof. Having big sister out of blue. They both had been the only child for rather long time and suddenly they had to share. Rayan had enough money and rooms in the house, they didn’t need to live in the same one, they didn’t had to share almost anything, just the time and living conditions. But sometimes even that was too much. They bickered, they fought, they didn't agree. Emilio was older and didn't let Arthur forget it, but Arthur wasn’t one to yield. Though she turned out to be smart girl, learning fast, so when try didn't fight they got along. Rayan was worried at first, but then he opened his eyes and saw, that it was actually for the good. If at first Emilia had troubles to open up, then to Arthur she was like an open book. But they both valued each one more and more. And Rayan was glad. Family could heal scars faster than any doctor it seemed. At least that was his opinion.

Arthur and Emilia had different friends at least, so they didn't have to fight for their attention, but Arthur was kind off sure that Emilia liked Kevin. She shoe when he came over. And it wasn’t such a big deal, that he was younger than him. Arhur called her old witch from time to time, just to tease her.

On the other hand Kevin had a rather cold attitude. Arthur presumed that it was because of him, after all his childhood friend heard everything first-hand, good and bad things. So it was no surprise that Kevin was prejudiced. After all not all things Arthur told him was nice. But Arthur felt bad about that for approximately five minutes. And after Kevin once told him, that even if Arthur started to praise her, he still wouldn’t like her. He said, he can’t explain it, but it felt like he would like she was dangerous.

Emilia was smart and gracious. They had to give her that. She knew too well how to carry herself and no one in school even dared to mock her loss. Not because Rayan Pritchard had taken her under her wing but because she was standing tall. 

From time to time Arthur saw them - those slips and cracks, moments of weakness. But the she just smiled such as sweet smile, Arthur was surprised how the other party didn’t get caries.

Still it didn’t change the fact, that in Arthur’s eyes his father tended to be unfair. He expected excellency for Arthur in everything. He was his successor, of course, but when Emilia did something that wasn’t even was big, she got more praise and Rayan was more please than with Arthur. Emilia could speak her mind and Rayan was pleased. The more she grew the more righteous she got. Sometimes nervous and edgy but the sole person in the whole universe probably that wasn't afraid to state her mind even to Rayan Pritchard.

I’m screaming for your name

Hitler had to be a reincarnation of Morgana. That explained his hate to others and obsession with occult. All Adolf Hitler's “work” just screamed Morgana! Well - he could think everything he wanted to, no? Even if there was no proof. He could think anything he wanted.

Or maybe Kilgharrah. That old snake could be responsible for almost everything.

Sometimes he felt empty. Not even alone. Just empty. Like a void was open in his chest and it sucked in every light that was around him. And it didn’t hurt. It was just there.


	4. There’s always a first time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Where Arthur gets in trouble but is saved.
> 
> Arthur -Age 15.

Just give a sign for me to see

Arthur woke up slowly. His head hurt and he felt a tingling feeling in his arms and legs. It was strange. Darkness was surrounding him and it felt like… moving? Like he was in a some kind of vehicle. The most common would be car.

So the main question, or several of them would be - why he was in a car, and why it was dark? His limbs felt heavy and everything in his memory seemed foggier than in should be. Arthur couldn’t quite remember even getting in. But maybe because he just woke up? Well, at least he hadn’t had nightmares in this slumber. Still, for some preservation instinct he reminded silent.

Suddenly he remembered Emilia. She was nervous this morning. More than usual, and she was what - 17? Though Leo and Kevin agreed, that woman tended to be nervous at that age. Of course Kevin was saying lots of things, but some of them truly were worth a thought or two. Arthur kind of believed in his friend actually. And in Leo. This concept had stuck in Arthur’s brain thought.

She caught him and begged, literally begged no to go to school. First of all, that was very out of character for her. Not the - to be worried part,- but the pleading. Emilia almost never pleaded. Too proud for that. Like a true Pritchard. So her anxiety this morning was something to notice. She was nervous like hell. But Arthur had a test today, he couldn’t afford to ditch the classes. Their father, guardian in Emilia's case, didn’t approve of his children's slacking. Especially Aurthur's. So he couldn’t afford to not to go to school, even if that would put Emilia’s mind at ease. He explained that to his ‘sister’. He may be wild and rebellious, but he did take his studies seriously. 

He didn’t dismiss her, when she said, she had a dream. Gosh, that girl had nightmares almost as often as Arthur himself, but in her case, they tended to be about future, were Arthur’s were focused on past. The fact that they were dreams, she only had told that to Arthur. To father she plead telling, she had a bad feeling. So Arthur tried to remember his promise to Emilia, not to dismiss her dreams. In Emilia’s defense though her dreams came true form time to time. Like fathers broken leg. She told him not to go skiing. He didn’t listen. In the end Rayan laid in bed with broken leg and was truly intolerable.

-Okay, just… please keep away from black vehicles.- She made him promise. After all, that wasn’t so hard. If that put Emilia's mind at ease, why not? It wasn’t like he was going to get dragged in a back of a black car, right?

Right…

As his head started to clear up and if he remembered correctly, wasn’t that a black wan, that drove besides him the minute he was out of school? He did remember strong arms, his legs lifting from the ground. He didn’t even scream, thus shocked he was. And then – nothing. Some rigid smell and he was out cold in seconds. Maybe they hit him on the head? 

Arthur didn’t need more time to figure out that he was in deeper trouble than he could ever imagine. He may have been 15 years old, and most of the time considered himself being old enough for anything, but definitely he wasn’t old enough for this. No one ever will be. Well, Annie would be glad though. That girl, pretty as she may be, wasn’t afraid to show her dislike for Arthur and his behavior. Yes, she would be ecstatic, that he now got his lesson, Arthur thought bitterly.

Oh, and father will not let him step out of house again, Arthur thought. Technically this probably was his fault, not Arthur’s, for a change. Rayan had mistreated lots of people, Arthur had no doubt, but hell, no one who managed to seize and stay in any kind of power hadn’t. World just didn’t work that way. He just hadn’t put that much mind to it till now. So they probably wanted a ransom. That was good. At least for now they had a use for him. Arthur somehow didn’t count on to be given back to his father safely. No. Arthur wasn’t such an optimist, he kind of understood that strategically that was a bad decision. He felt panic and anxiety rising. No. No! It won’t do any good. He needed to get out of here. Alive preferably. Thus he needed a plan. So the only option was to try to think how to get out of this mess. By himself.

So he stayed quiet. Tried to at least fake that he was still sleeping. If they’ll think he’s out cold, maybe he could get a better read of his situation? They drove and in the turns Arthur deliberately leaned on side more than necessary. He had a guards on each side. So that made at least three people, counting the driver. They wouldn’t take more. Too suspicious. His hands were bound, but he didn’t feel any ropes on his legs or/and ankles. So, maybe, just maybe, he could manage to run the moment he will be escorted out of car.

Brakes squeaked suddenly and Arthur felt his body drawn in momentum, keeping the movement. Thankfully, he had been a rather valuable, he had a seatbelt.

Someone in the front cursed colourfully. Driver, probably. Sounded young, Arthur thought. Could be woman.

-What happened.- Asked a man’s besides him. Worried. Perfect. If the hands on his wrists wouldn’t be so strong, Arthur would rip the blindfold off and try to run the same minute, but either they had great strength or he was drugged. Or both. Arthur didn’t like to feel weak. It wasn’t his choice to give up his control! _Wait a bit more. A bit._ He tried to calm down. He needed his head to be clear. Maybe father had found out he was missing and had sent a royal guard to save him. Or Emilia.

-How did they knew?!- A drivers’ shriek could be heard. And then:

-Get the boy out.- The door opened and he felt wind blowing. Now was his chance! Arthur was roughly pulled out of the car and at the same moment he dive to other side surprising his captors. For a brief second he was free and the first thing he tried to do, was getting rid of blindfold. He needed to see were to run. 

His attempt of escape was interrupted abruptly, when his shoulders were captured in what felt like a iron grip. A yelp ripped out of his lips. Arthur managed to remove the blindfold was only partly, he couldn’t see clearly. Some colours, hazy contours.

-Don’t make this harder for yourself!- A low grunt. But Arthur didn’t plan to give up. If he was destined to die here, he will, thank you very much. He will go down fighting. _Like always._ So he tried still, he felt something ripping when he trashed with all his strength.

-Let him go.-

The voice… Arthur knew he hadn’t heard it, but it felt like he knew it. Knew so well… calm washed over him like a warm water, calming down, soothing. It felt like everything will be alright. Nothing bad could happen, no harm will come to him. There was no explanation to such reaction, but it could have been the most veritable he felt in all his life. He tried to look at the direction of the one speaking. 

His capturer seemed to decide that everything will be in wain, if he obliged. 

Arthur only heard a loud noise, deafening like a gunshot, gust of wind and suddenly he was falling. Someone called his name, and he wanted to shout back, the name was on the tip of his tongue, he saw something black, like ruffled hair, but a sudden blow made him lose consciousness.

He thought, he saw hands that reached for him. Embrace that promised safety. He thought he heard his name, he was called, spoken to. Someone caressed his cheek with such tenderness that would made his heart ache if he wouldn’t be so out of it. It seemed that the one besides him made a call. Why? Arthur was safe now, he wanted to say. But everything faded to black.

***

-Good lord someone called!-

Rigid smell was trusted under his nose and Arthur stirred, trying to open his eyes. Light flooded them and he squinted.

-Good. Do you hear me?- he understood, that the voice addressed him and nodded, but didn’t open his eyes yet. It felt too raw, too bright.

–Don’t be afraid, we will drive you to hospital. What’s your name?- Arthur tried to open his eyes slowly. His vision swam, a woman in ambulances’ green/yellow uniform had knelt beside him. Further he could distinguish silhouette of a car.

-Arthur.- 

-Good, Arthur, can you tell me what happened?- She asked but kept busy.

-I,- he tried to sit up and found, that he was lied on the river bank, his head on his backpack and a foreign jacked lied on him. 

–I’m not quite sure.- He decided that maybe, just maybe the kidnapping part should be left out, right? They would tell that to his father, and Rayan wouldn’t approve of his son being so weak to get himself kidnapped. What father didn’t know…

He saw the bridge. _My God! Did I really fell from there?_ Even if that wasn’t Thames, and the bridge wasn’t so high, he could perfectly well understand that he could black out hitting the water from such a fall. And drown like a rock. It was a miracle he was alive! Ambulance nurse helped him to get up and looked at possible injuries. Arthur felt that he could probably have mild concussion.

-I was just walking and someone just bumped in me and I fell in the river. I’m no too sure, I even know how that happened.- Arthur explained. He wasn’t sure what to tell though.

-Did they ran off or were the ones that called 999?- Arthur really did try to give them the best of his _‘You’re seriously asking me this?’_ look.

–I don’t remember, I was out of it. But I think that was different person.- And then he looked around, confused.

–Isn’t he here?- Wouldn’t that be matter-of-course that his savior would had staid. Even if not for the pay up part, that could be in Arthur's case but at least to make sure, he was all right?

-You were alone when we found you, boy.- Said a man, probably the driver of the ambulance.

-Is this your jacket?- Woman asked and Arthur looked at it. No that wasn’t his. He hadn’t seen it in his life.

-Yeah.- He lied. Arthur didn’t even know why. He felt like he had to - what?- protect? Felt like it. If one or ones that saved him didn’t want to be seen, he had to respect that decision.

The woman looked over at her colleague and they somehow understood each other without words. That did scare Arthur a bit. Thought they helped Arthur to get up, put a blanket around him and got him in the car, taking everything that was with him.

-Arthur, do you have anyone you could call? Parents? Guardians?- Woman asked when he was seated in the ambulance car. Gosh, he didn’t like it. It felt too small suddenly and he felt his breathing escalating. The woman was beside him, calm and composed.

-It’s all right. Breath calmly. Do you want to lie down?- Arthur nodded and she helped him. It helped a bit, the dizziness was subtle. And at least the car had some light in it.

-I should call my father. If my phone is working.- he finally said. When he gave his surname to the woman, she looked at him with wide eyes. Arthur wanted to roll his. Yes, yes. He was the Pritchard, thank you. But the nurse, or was she doctor, was professional enough to get back in to her role. She wrote down information Arthur could give her. She checked everything she could at the given moment and finally shut down her records.

-Arthur.- She looked at him seriously. -I believe we will need to call in the police.- His eyes went wide and the woman could see the distress that that statement caused him.

-Why?- He asked in voice smaller he would have liked.

-You have bruises on palms of your hands, ones that look like rope, you were pushed in to river, but saved. We got an anonymous call telling us your exact coordinates. It was more than suspicious. So, how did you get bruises on your hands, on the back of your head? It doesn’t seem like from the hit with water, but some blunt object.-

Arthur gawked at her. And for a minute or two he thought that maybe he should answer her truthfully. Tell all there was. But somehow, it wasn’t so easy. Admitting of weakness. So he decided to lie again. He didn’t want to get police involved. Father wouldn’t let him live it down. There had to be a solution.

And he blushed when he thought of the possible lies. Probably the only ones he could come up with.

-Me and some friends,- it did sound breathless, no small thanks to his frustrated state, definitely, -we were in to a bit of a power play, if you know what I mean.- He felt his cheeks heating up.

-It was perfectly okay. Consensual. Everyone knew what was allowed and what no. That’s why those rope marks. And the head, I just… it was an accident.- The woman gawked at him.

-Please, don’t write it in. I don’t want my father to know.- His voice was timid.

When she nodded Arthur felt like he had made a small victory. He let out a breath, thankful. Father probably will put an end to every official investigation either way.

-And the one who called?- She didn’t drop the topic though.

-A good, kind passer-by.- Arthur begged with his eyes. Okay, maybe it would be nice to find the one that had saved him, but if he had left Arthur at the riverbank, it meant he didn’t want to be found. His wish should be respected. That finally seemed to calm the good doctor down. He did get a stern lecture about consent and safe sex, about the need to be careful. Arthur hadn’t felt thus embarrassed in his entire life. At least it ended when he was brought in the hospital.

Emilia and Rayan came in at the late evening, nearly at the end of visiting hours and Rayan wanted to know, why Arthur had been so far. He lied that he was going to the nearest bus station. No one seemed to believe, but didn’t press. The only one who looked spooked was Emilia. Though she was glad, that Arthur was okay, still her stare did give him creeps. It was – uncomfortable, the least. And Arthur had to think, that maybe she had been right. He should have been on guard around black vehicles, but he didn’t told her that. She was arrogant enough already. No need to add wood to the fire, proving she was right. So she just got a bright smile from Arthur. He saw her relaxing and that was the best feeling. He was safe.

To have a hope again.

He knew perfectly well that he should have ignored it. But how could he? Destiny had some cruel jokes in store for him. One could think that more than thousand years would finally teach him that it was no use to try to save one child. Especially when he decided not to interfere.

He didn’t learn. Never ever. Will he ever?!

But he was just a child! Arthur was just a child. Maybe not in the eyes of society, not in his own, but he was what – 15? 16? He just couldn’t let it slide.

True, true, he had built walls around him in order not to feel and not to run to help Arthur at the tiniest trouble there was. After all, that wasn’t a solution. He wasn’t a solution to every single one of arrogant prat princes problems. But this time it was so sudden, so overwhelming. He just couldn’t let it slide.

He probably will get in trouble with the university. He had taken the courses, just to widen his horizons again. World changed so fast, and he liked to be educated. He liked to learn. Something Merlin had found out about himself. The world had come so far compared to his birth, it was fascinating, amazing. All the discoveries, possibilities! 

Then – Arthur. His defenses crumbled down in less than minute and he knew with acute precision that Arthur was in mortal danger. And he couldn’t concentrate on anything other anymore. Arthur probably would have laughed and called Merlin and idiot, but they had a connection that bound them trough-out the centuries. Trough everything. And it only grew stronger. Damn that stupid destiny. He jumped out of his seat and run to door when the lecture finally ended. He had to find Arthur. 

After this he will make those barriers stronger, but now he had to find him. Pit-pointing charms he knew by the back of his head, but with the different communication equipment they were getting more messy that some hundreds of years ago. He had to update them. Idiot, he should had thought of that sooner.

That and driving took him rather long time. At least too long in Merlin’s opinion.

He was shocked when he saw Arthur. No, this wasn’t a mistake. He was just a boy ought to be saved. Someone whom seeing suddenly stirred all kind of emotions in him. All the memories, all the happy and the bad times. All the death they had seen. All the pain Merlin had endured. Every single thing prickled at his skin. He neutralized driver and the first one to get out of the back of the car with ease. Saving Arthur was his primal instinct. Seeing him struggling just made Merlin angry at the bloke holding the boy.

Arthur fell and it was totally Merlin's fault. His wind was too strong, it pushed Arthur over the railings. It reminded him so much of the time Arthur drowned in the lake of Avalon that he jumped after him without a second thought. Thank goodness, he now knew how to search in water. With the little help of magic, he found Arthur fast enough, got him out of the water, fetched his bag and covered him with his jacket, called ambulance and only then he covered not only his tracks, but the kidnappers as well. Maybe that was a mistake, but Merlin didn’t want there to be questions no one could find the answers anyway.

He lied in his bed with eyes wide open, thinking of the boy, he saw stepping in to the ambulance. Gosh, he was glad Arthur was alive. Though he shouldn’t care. Didn’t he promise himself not to? He did. Still he managed to step over his own boundaries. No. better barriers this time!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am a bit sorry about _'Deus ex machina_ in this one. But only a bit, and I can assure, it wasn't because of my natural laziness. I just didn't want to deal with all the full scale trauma later.


	5. Open door

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Arthur - Age 16

Then I will go and call for you

There were nights he woke up gasping for an air. Suffocating. Arthur knew that he probably would be sent to therapist (despite his father's prejudice), but he hadn’t even told him the truth. Neither Emilia knew.

At first everything seemed to be fine. He got out of hospital after one nights monitoring so the first real challenge was to get in the car to get home. The sight of it woke up something in him, that Arthur didn't like a bit. Panic at the centre of his being. But Rayan was there and Emilia too. That alone meant that he was safe. Otherwise he would have to elaborate the incident of yesterday. He didn't want that. He didn't want to tell that. It was too embarrassing. It felt like he was too weak and too stupid, if he left himself get captured. They were Pritchard’s. They couldn't have any weaknesses. They had to be seen superior. Without a flaw, at least as noticeable. True, he hadn’t talked to his father about the specific case, but he generalised the idea he got for Rayan all the time.

The slight panic of confined spaces he had to suppress started later. And all he could think of - was talking himself out of it. There were no monsters in the closet and there was no need to be scared of closed door. The door just closed, it wasn't that someone was coming after him and they had shut the door so he couldn't get out. Thankfully for him his capture time was rather brief.

When he saw suspicion in Emilia's eyes, he knew he had to work with himself more. Thankfully she didn't ask though.

Nights were the scariest. When he was dragged somewhere he didn't know were. But then usually came the arms. Strong, confident and sure. Someone was there to help him, rescue him. And in his dreams Arthur knew them. Knew so well it almost hurt that now he was without that presence in his life. He woke up to empty room, and it felt even emptier.

More and more things tended to irk him. He got in to more fights; he even managed to get in to a serious spat with Kevin. Sometimes he felt ballistic and then even the slightest thing could result in a fight or shout.

If he was honest with himself, he craved for help, he knew, he needed it. But he was a teenager, he was suffering and suffering alone. By his own choosing. Maybe he wanted others to see, that something was amiss? He wanted his father to ask, what was bothering him. What was it that was eating him on the inside. He wanted his father to guess the reason, actually.

He hadn't told him the truth of his abduction right after the fact, now he just couldn't. It felt wrong. Although sometimes Arthur wanted to scream at his father – _look_! He wanted him to see. Father, after all was the only person in his life, whom he could ask for help. Rayan was always there for him. He still had the childish belief that his father can do anything that he will make all the bad things go away. He will just say he’ll do it and will make it happen. Even if he couldn't stop Arthur's nightmares.

But Rayan was just a human and he couldn't see, couldn't guess what was amiss with his son, so soon he dismissed Arthur's erratic behaviour on being teenager. After all, didn't they have their heads turned upside down not thinking clearly. Still, the strict and good parent he was, Rayan not only settled the matters of damaged property when Arthur was talking with his fists, but scolded him through all of it. He couldn't and wouldn't endure such behaviour! And it settled over time. Arthur knew the reasons himself the best, he learnt to see them in time. Control his anger at least. The fear, that was a lot harder.

Unsurprisingly Annie Abbott was the one to point out his behaviour at school. He had to admit, that girl had sharp senses and an annoying sense of justice. The incident, the peak of her snappy remarks and reprobate glances, occurred in algebra, when Arthur was making smart-ass comments to the teacher. It seemed that finely Annie had enough.

So she turned around and looked at Arthur with the most pissed look one girl could muster (and it was surprisingly much).

-Will you shut your mouth!- She shouted, but quickly composed herself. 

-You can barely utter two words together that make sense and now you disturb as all with your useless chatter. Shut the hell up or just leave!- Arthur wanted to retort back, what the hell did she thought she was! He looked at others for support, but suddenly he saw that there was none.

Kevin wasn’t at this class, he was alone, others send him angry looks, like he seriously was disturbing them! _Morons._ He turned back to the girl, with curly hair and nice brown eyes, gosh she was pretty, but he wouldn’t let her have the upper hand. Damn it! No! So he just took his books and proudly strode out of the class. Even teacher was quiet.

When Rayan received a word for what had transpired, he chastised his son heartily. Just because he was his son didn’t give him any rights to be an ass to the teacher. Arthur stood there and looked at his father fuming and understood one thing. He had to not only work with himself mentally. He needed the physical let-out.

He surprised his father asking the money and permission for self-defence lessons that day. Suddenly and out of nowhere in the middle of Rayan's rant about proper stance in society. 

-Why?- His father asked shocked.

-Because I think that will help me get the suppressed anger out.- Rayan thought about it for a minute and agreed. It wasn’t half bad plan after all.

It did help in more than one aspect. Rayan managed to get Arthur back in class, he did even apologise to the teacher and never ever made any comment anymore, but he wasn’t forthcoming neither and he didn’t even look at Annie again, and strolled by her like he was a royalty but she was low peasant. She didn’t comment on that either. She may have been angry with him, but she knew better than to start war with Arthur again. So Arthur was left to himself. He worked hard physically and mentally. He learnt self-control, he learnt to control his emotions. He grew in few months more than he did in years.

Persuading oneself that everything was alright wasn’t so easy, but it was definitely worth it... Sure, he had Kevin, he could lean on. His loyalty to Arthur was remarkable. Even after they fought, he came back with time. And when he didn’t Arthur went to him, like in this case. And Kevin forgave him. He even had Leo and Emilia. The last one he didn’t want to include, though. She had been right. He should have been more careful. Especially of black cars. If she knew, she wouldn’t go to sleep at all, but she had started to sleep better these days. From time to time everyone got nightmares. It was normal.

It wasn’t like she could predict or dream the future, right? Yes, there had been three cases till now - about her parents, Rayan's skiing and Arthur’s abduction. So Arthur did tell her to come to him immediately if she had another such type of dream. He wanted to be prepared. But he made it sound like he was just there for her, no hidden agenda.

As for Leo, who still came to them more than any other Rayan's employee ever, and was trusted my his father enormously, Arthur felt that he wanted to trust him. Just … he was Rayan’s subordinate. Wouldn’t he feel obligation to report to his father? After all he had climbed the corporal ladder swiftly. Arthur suspected that it was partly thanks to his loyal nature. Rayan wasn’t blind, he could see that. The man was sincere, perspective workaholic. He saw things others didn’t.

His intuition lead to ask Arthur the question he yearned to hear and was afraid of.

It was an afternoon like any other. Rayan was working ad Leo was unofficially his secretary, making tea for both of them. Arthur was rummaging trough refrigerator when Leo came in and closed the door. He jumped and looked at the door so terrified, his panic seeping from every pore of his body. One should be stupid no to see it. Or blind, or named Rayan Pritchard. But Leo knew Arthur maybe as good as his father once. He sat down and looked at Arthur for a minute before asking.

-Do you want to tell me about it?-

Arthur assumed deer's felt like that, when they got blinded by highlights of a car. He stared blankly, spooked.

-About what?- He throat felt too dry.

-What has gotten you so jumpy.-

It felt terrible. He felt his knees to buck under his weight. He had feared this question. He had waited for this for so long. It was several months already. And the one person who came to him, one who finally saw, or had the courage to say something, was Leo. Arthur felt like laughing and crying at the same time.

-I...- he stumbled, but Leo was patient, he waited, he didn’t press and Arthur sat down slowly, thinking. He wanted to tell, but he didn’t want to put Leo in place he had to choose between him and his father, who technically was his boss. True, it was a private matter, Arthur could ask him to keep quiet, but this was Leo he was thinking about. The most loyal and trustworthy man he knew. One who would move mountains, if he thought something was unjust. And this matter, well, he probably would find it unjust. He would try to help. But Arthur was already at the point where he had concluded that the only help he will get will be from himself.

He had assured himself that he won’t let that happen again. Once was enough. It worked most of the time. Sometimes better, sometimes he wanted to scream at himself for being useless. But he stubbornly continue and slowly it eased to the point he could go by himself like a normal person again.

Sure there were good days, there were good weeks, months even! And there were days as this one. When the suffocating feeling was the first thing he woke up to. The nightmare wasn’t about the kidnapping though, but it still reminded him of that. The confide space, the rush to get out. He woke up, but the panic stayed.

But now in his kitchen Leo waited for some answer and Arthur snarled:

-Doesn’t my father wait for your return?- he cursed himself for his harsh tone and words, but they were out. 

-He can wait. No problem.- Came Leos’ answer and Arthur would had laughed in other situation. This time he was just nervous. There was no going back. So maybe he could tell Leo at least something. Partly true. Would that be lying?

-I had a terrible dream.- That wasn’t even a lie, that part was true. The nightmare this time felt brutal, he was being buried below something, he couldn’t see, he could only lie there. There was no light and the pressure on his lungs was terrible. He woke gasping for air and he didn’t know how the scene played out. Maybe he got out? Was he dragged out? He though he heard someone calling his name, trying to get to him. So there was hope. Still that didn’t help with the fact that he suffocated.

Leo still didn’t pester, just sat there, looking at him, waiting.

-And it just was so bad, it made me jumpy.- Arthur added.

-This is not the first time.- Leo finally said. Probably not being able to keep his observations quiet any longer. Arthur's heart fell. Probably somewhere on the floor. So he had been seen. But then why? Why hadn’t he talked about it sooner? Why leave Arthur alone? Desperate anger flooded him.

-Did father send you?- That could explain why Rayan could wait. But Leo shook his head in denial. It wasn’t a big gesture, but Leo never made them big after all.

-Your father is engrossed in work right now. I came to make something edible for me. And you, if you would have been up for it.- Knowing Leo, that probably was true. After all, he did make food for him and Kevin occasionally, when Rayan left for some work issues and didn’t bring Leo with him.

When he was smaller Rayan uses to hire housekeeper, but it was noticeable that he didn’t quite trust them, he better kept people he knew and trusted. Leo happened to be one of them. And one of few Arthur trusted too. Maybe because others were older and so uninteresting? Like John, for example. Gosh that man was old as an relic.

But it was Leo, who sat in front of him, not some old geezer. He looked in the man’s kind eyes and sighted.

-Why you ask now then.- His voice felt smaller than he liked and was surprised to see Leo avert his eyes.

-Sorry, I wanted to, but I didn’t know would that be appropriate for me, I didn’t want to anger you or meddle in your personal life too much. I think I tried to be considerate.- He averted eyes for a second, then turned them back and smiled apologetic.

Arthur was a bit taken aback. Well Leo had put a lot off thought in to it. He saw and in the end decided he couldn’t take it anymore and had to ask. It was – a lot. A hell of a lot! That meant world for him. Someone was looking out for him. From the shadows, but if he let, Leo would have his back. Arthur felt that he desperately wanted to trust him, he liked the man even if a little bit. He felt calm in his presence, secure. If he wouldn’t be a guy, Arthur would say he had a crush on him. And it helped that he didn’t press, just sat there.

-Promise me please you won’t tell a living soul!- Arthur was quiet and very serious. Leo nodded, but the silence dragged on and he understood, that Arthur was waiting for the exact words.

-I promise. Everything you will tell me will stay with me and won’t leave this room.-

That was all Arthur needed. He put his hands on the table and looked at them, not Leo, finally speaking.

-I was kidnapped.- He felt more like saw Leo gawk, he didn’t manage to ask when, because Arthur continued on his own.

-When I got in the hospital. Well, technically before that. It’s complicated. I lied to the ambulance and in the hospital, I said that my hands were tied because it had been,- he still felt the blush creep up his neck, -a game. Previous that day and they didn’t ask. Told that all I hit was the water. That wasn’t true. At least not all of it.- He sighted at stole a glance at the man.

-So, what did happen?- Leo asked trying to be calm. Arthur could only admire the man’s self-control. Well, that was something to strive for. He sat there composed, but the worry on his face was visible.

-I was just out of school, when I was grabbed and dragged in a van. Blindfolded and knocked out. When I came by we were already on the move. One didn’t need to be genius to figure out the most possible scenario. They didn’t talk, they just drove. I think they were three. Driver and two in the back with me.- He took a deep breath. He didn’t close his eyes this time. The darkness behind his lids was too much. Arthur could nearly feel the heat radiating from person besides him even no one was there.

-I wouldn’t be able to recognise them if they were to be found. They spoke just few words when they suddenly stopped.-

-But don’t you feel, you should tell this to your father?- Leo slowly, carefully interrupted, fearing to make Arthur too agitated.

–You were attacked after all, it could happen again.- He added calmly. It did agitate Arthur, so he could answer rather calmly.

-No. I don’t think so. After all, I even don’t know what happened after that.- Leo questions was visible in his features and Arthur found himself wondering, how this man even could work in the corporate world. So transparent. Or maybe he wore unguarded expression only in front of him?

-See, there was something or someone that made them stop on that bridge.- Leo’s confusion was visible, so he added:

–Blindfolded remember?- Leo understood and nodded.

-They stopped and I was dragged out of the car. Someone took care of the driver and one of my captures. The third one tried to get me away. I think I heard a gunshot, then just a gust of wind and I did fall over the bridge. I passed out, I think with the collision with water. I don’t know who dragged me out, but they left their jacked, I took it. It’s still with me. They called ambulance and the other part you know already. Now I’m jumpy when I hear doors closing and I don’t like to be left in darkness and small, closed spaces.- Arthur finished and waited.

Leo sat in silence for a minute looking at Arthur with wide eyes, and the expression made Arthur add:

-But I have it under control now. Of course unless it’s such as this day, when I had a nightmare of being buried alive.- He tried to smile. Tried to. And almost managed to.

-That’s… wow, that’s something, Arthur. I don’t even have words.- Leo did seem taken a back. 

-Arthur? Thank you for telling me.- he said with dignity Arthur hadn’t heard. At least not in this century. He just shrugged, there was nothing to say more. Maybe just:

-Please, when you leave don’t close the door.- it was a plea and Leo understood. He still didn’t get up though. Concern written in his features. It was a bit annoying that he looked at Arthur like he was fragile.

-You haven’t told this to anyone?- Arthur shook his head.

-And I don’t want to. Can you imagine what my father would do if he found out? I’m not too keen on the idea of psychologist and all the investigation that would be brought up. I have to admit, in the beginning, or, maybe even like month ago, or month and a half I wanted to talk about it with someone, professional probably, but now it’s better. I don’t want to. I feel that I don’t need to. It may not be the right thing, but it is how the things stand now. I’m okay. I take some classes for self defence, it puts my mind at ease and makes me look better.- He tried to joke, but Leo didn’t laugh, so Arthur sighted added:

-I don’t know how there was no one on the bridge after that. No marks of fight or the van. I know what happened to me, it wasn’t a hallucination. They will just think me crazy or laying. Though I do have that jacked as a proof, they let me keep it.- It had became some kind of token for him, indication that something good could still happen.

-So all the trouble at school…-

-Was because I tried to cope with it, yes.- Arthur admitted.

-You know, if you had said something, that would be a lot easier.- Leo was dead serious.

Arthur nodded.

–I know. But I didn’t want to look weak, I didn’t want anyone to pity me just because of something that had happened. I didn’t want them to look at me like a sick person.- He voice was steady and Leo somehow understood. Not so long ago he was a teen himself, he could still understand that felling.

-Do you still dream of it? The kidnapping.- He asked.

-Not like the fact itself anymore.- Arthur said thoughtfully. –More like, it some other form. But that’s occasionally. I get my usual nightmares more often than these.- He smiled at first, but his smile fell, when he understood, what had he said. Leo didn’t quite understand.

-Usual nightmares?-

-Another thing you need to promise not to tell to my father, please.- Arthur begged.

Leo nodded.

-I always have had nightmares of death and destruction. At least as long as I can remember. Theres always are people that die for me. I used to wake up and go to father, but he assured they were just nightmares from too much telly. Him disposing of some of my television routines didn’t help though. I haven’t told him that. But those are only dreams. Heavy ones and I usually woke up in a bad mood or exhausted, but you get used to that after some time. Now I truly know how to cherish the morning I haven’t dreamt at all.- Arthur laughed humorlessly.

They sat in silence for a while, Arthur slowly eating some kind of salad, he had managed to dig out of the fridge and Leo thinking, looking somewhere past Arthur.

-You’re a brave young man.- He concluded and Arthur felt himself blush.

-If you ever need something, someone to relay on or just someone to talk to, please, I’ll be there for you. Arthur, please promise me, you won’t keep such things secret anymore, alright?-

Arthur looked at Leo. His words, it was like a promise, no, it was a vow. Like something sacred. He swore his loyalty to Arthur and Arthur didn’t have the heart no to take it. He wanted it after all. He wanted Leo’s loyalty, he didn’t know why, so he nodded.

-I promise.-

-I better get back to your father, then. And bring him tea, otherwise he won’t understand what took me so long.- Leo smiled a bit and Arthur found it to be a calming and a soothing sight.

-He’ll probably grumble anyway. You cam always tell him that I made you stay.- the young Pritchard smiled. Seeing Leo smile, he wanted to smile too.

-Will do.- Leo promised before they parted.

He was stopped in doorway by Arthur’s voice.

-Oh, and Leo, please, leave the door open.-

Until my voice will die

The dilemma was - did he want broccoli or cauliflower for dinner? It was so hard to decide! When there was nothing in the stores or when there were no stores as he knew them now, it was a lot easier. Eat what you have.

Okay, if he had to be true to himself he didn’t miss Gaius’s rat soup, but it had been a lot easier to think of dinners dish then. True, he was happy to live in time of peace, even if relative. Were stores were full and the biggest problem in his life was the decision on broccoli or cauliflower.

And the annoying glare of clerk. That’s it! Next time he will come in Dragoons disguise. He will have some fun then. Annoying annoying clerks for starters.

Vegetable stew. That was the answer! He took both vegetables, some carrots, potatoes and cabbage too and passed the clerk with a smirk and head held high, just barely resisting the urge to show him the tongue.


End file.
